Picking the right wedding party can be tricky. Sure, the obvious choice is selecting your closes friends because they are there to support you.

It is your biggest day…right?

They will love running around town with you as you shop for tuxedos, wedding gowns, and picking the perfect venue. Who wouldn’t want to be a part of all of this fun for your special day?

This sounds like a couple who may not truly understand the dynamics of picking members. As much as we would love for your wedding party to support you each step of the way, the truth is, most may not.

Here’s what you should know when picking your wedding party.

Wedding Party, The Not So Glamorous Side Wedding Party – Photographer – A Little Bit of Whimsy

Select A Wedding Party That is Dependable

Most couples need support with their wedding planning that a Wedding Planner is not able to provide. A lot of the personal decisions need the support of close friends who know a bride or groom better than anyone else.

If you need the moral support, ensure that the members of your wedding party will be there for you. It sounds like the obvious thing, but members of the wedding party tend to have their own lives to take care of. As much as they intend to support, sometimes they are simply not dependable.

Outline the Responsibilities

I will tell you some people are in your wedding party because they want to be seen walking down the aisle. They want to sit at the head table. They want their head shot on your wedding website.

In return, they want to do little as possible.

When picking your wedding party you must inform them of what you will need help with. Things like:

  • Planning your bachelor and bachelorette party
  • Help notify guests who have failed to RSVP
  • Run errands where needed
  • Help pick out your wedding day attire
  • Serve as a support system
  • Make sure the rest of the wedding party is where they need to be

Never ask someone because they asked you.

Sure, it sounds like a nice gesture and you want to return the favor, but you don’t have to. If someone has an issue with why they aren’t in your wedding party, simply tell them. Often times the best answer is that you want to select people who are the closes to you.

Now I will say having someone in your wedding party who has already gotten married is a bonus. They can tell you what to expect and address a lot of personal questions that blog posts like this one can’t answer.

Children do not have to be in your wedding party

Wedding Party, The Not So Glamorous Side

Now this might sound odd for some. You might say well what about the ring bearer or the flower girl. I’ve seen many weddings where the Best Man or Best Woman held onto the wedding rings. I’ve seen grandparents serve as the flower girl or couples simply not had it because of venue rules.

But to be even more transparent, often times couples want to have kids who are too young to serve in these roles. No matter how much you rehearse what they have to do, on wedding day all of that goes out the window. But let’s be honest, who can resist a cute kid running down the aisle?

Now for those of you who have agreed to be a part of the wedding party, here are some things you need to know.


Prepare to arrive early for hair, makeup, and many other activities that take place. Prepare to leave when the couple leaves. Most likely, you will not be able to go home or take extended breaks. You will be required to remain with the couple for the duration of the day as they will need you.

Wedding Party Photos

Wedding Party, The Not So Glamorous Side Photo: Kendra Allen

Normally taking photos will sound fun, but if you have never taken a few hundred photos in a single day, this might be draining. You’ll take photos of:

  1. Hair and makeup
  2. Getting ready
  3. Photos before the ceremony
  4. Individual photos with the couple
  5. Photos lining up
  6. Group photos after the ceremony
  7. Group photos for the room reveal
  8. And any other photo the couple requests

Wedding Reception Duties

You have been introduced into the reception and have taken your seat. It’s now time to eat and finally rest your feet.

Not so fast my friend.

Just because the reception has started doesn’t mean your responsibility is over. You must still attend to the couple. If it’s a bride, you have to help her use the restroom as needed. Make sure the couple eats. Help get people on and off the dance floor.

Some may serve as the designated person to take gifts and thank you cards with them. It all depends on what the couple needs you to do.

Don’t Be A Selfish Member

 If you are in your feelings about someone else getting married that isn’t you, don’t agree to be in the wedding party. All this will do is hinder the moment for the couple and everyone else who is trying to have a good time. Allow the spotlight to remain on the couple. It’s far better to address your feelings than to agree to be in the wedding party and unleash them on everyone.

In Conclusion

Ultimately, as a member of the wedding party, your role isn’t simply to walk down the aisle. Many duties and responsibilities come with being in the wedding party. Some of the duties are not always glamourous.

Should you decide to take on that role, I want you to be fully aware of what that comes with.