I read an article from Marie Claire and cringed at the super awkward way that one bride decided to fire her bridesmaid. I’ll let you first read the email that was sent, then I’ll break down the proper way to fire your bridesmaid.
I’m so glad to hear you booked flights! I’m sorry classes are taking such a long time to sort out. I know how hard you’re working to be here for the wedding and it means so much to us!
I have a massive favor to ask you, though — and this is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to ask anyone — but I need to ask you to relinquish your duties as a bridesmaid.
Come to the wedding, have a fabulous time, and travel in the time you need to without stressing about anything else!
When I asked you, I was really hoping that you could be a part of this whole thing — the bachelorette trip, at least the weekend, prep and the full night of the event (a Sunday night flight means you won’t even be able to be there for the whole wedding)… the whirlwind nature of what your travel has become just won’t work with the duties as a party member. I’m so, so sorry!!
Please don’t feel you’re letting me down, I am asking you to do this. I love you and value your friendship so much and I fully understand the need for you to prioritize school! I want you to be able to focus on that without also worrying about any extra wedding worries.
And I know this is incredibly awkward, but there is a possibility that I might be able to have someone else step into the role and assume the duties. Could you please mail the jumpsuit to me? I’ll Venmo you the postage and the cost of the jumpsuit — just let me know the total.
I know everyone is looking forward to seeing you there! I know I am!
And if you’d like to chat on the phone, let me know! I promise we’re totally cool!
All my love,
I don’t know about you, but that was painful to read. Now Alex, the bride, could have gone about this far better even before it got to this point.
Here how to not have to fire your Bridesmaid
Step #1 – Discuss their role
As a bride you should always understand the dynamics of your bridesmaid proposal before confirming they can be in your wedding party. As important as your wedding is, it does not remove the responsibilities your wedding party already has and will have after your wedding.
Talk to each member of your bridal party and ask them what things and activities they are currently doing and plan to do leading up to your wedding. If these things sound like it’s going to be a handful, don’t ask them to be a bridesmaid. Things like being pregnant, going to school, and moving are all red flags to consider.
Step #2 – Discuss Duties
Once you have interviewed your bridesmaids to see who would make the perfect team, outline your bridesmaid duties. This step needs to occur BEFORE you confirm anyone. I recommend you take your bridesmaids out to dinner and go over your game plan. In the email above, Alex had a lot of expectation for her bridesmaids. She wanted them to participate in what seems to be an extended trip, prep for the wedding, fly to the wedding location, and then support the full night.
This is a lot to ask of anyone especially if that person does not live in the wedding location. Remember people have their own responsibilities so to add to it needs to be done carefully.
Step #3 – Stand Your Ground
Not everything goes according to plan. We get that. But if you have to fire a bridesmaid for whatever reason, be direct. It’s like having to ask someone who calls you to get to the point of the call. Enough small talk LOL. Trying to soften the blow is not helpful at all.
In addition to getting to the point, don’t ask the person that you fired for any favors. If you got fired from your normal job, would you stay an additional week to finish a project for people who don’t want you there? Hell no. Alex asked Courtney to mail her the bridesmaid jumpsuit. I would have just let her keep it. It’s a double slap in the face if you ask me.
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Advice to the fired bridesmaid…
Just because someone asks you to be their bridesmaids doesn’t mean you have to say yes. While the request is quite kind to receive, you need to make sure you are up for the challenge. Being a bridesmaids is not simply showing up to hair and makeup the day of the wedding. There is a lot of requirements to support any bride on her wedding day.
When asked to be a bridesmaids, you need to do your due diligence and determine how chaotic your life is. If you know you’re in school or juggling a bazillion things, you don’t need to be a bridesmaid. Your life goes on past the wedding day and if these things will prevent you from your bridesmaids duties, please decline.