Congratulations to all you wonderful couples who have recently been engaged over the holidays. I know that your minds are racing with ideas and giddy in excitement. But, relax and breath with me for just a moment. I have something really pressing to talk to you about. Who is paying for your wedding? Are your parents paying for your wedding?
When it comes to paying for your wedding or seeking support, many couples lean to their parents. But what happens when you have a parent who wants to help pay for your wedding and take over?
Today we will talk about the proper steps to take to prevent those funding your wedding from taking over and removing you from decisions.
Wedding Tip #1 – Set Expectations
Should you decide to take money from your parents or family members it’s important to outline what the expectations are. Example: Being clear with your parents that the money is being used to create the ideas you and your fiancé have not what your parents have for your wedding. The last thing you want is to receive money from your parents and they think because they gave you money, they can make changes to your wedding.
Wedding Tip #2 – Set Boundaries
When accepting money from parents, inform them exactly where the money will go towards. In doing so you establish boundaries in the event they want to give you their opinion. Example: If your parents give you $10,000 let them know that the money is going towards flowers or catering. When you do this, your parents can only discuss the category the money is being spent in and not the overall wedding.
The goal is to prevent someone from thinking because they are giving you money, they can intervene on any part of your wedding. Of course this gets tricky if they are paying for your entire wedding, but resort back to tip #1.
Wedding Tip #3 – Be Honest About Your Feelings
No amount of money should cause you to be unhappy with the wedding planning process. Regardless of the amount of money, it should not destroy relationships. Let that family member know how you are feeling about the situation and come to a compromise. When you are open and honest during the planning stage, it gets harder for people to want to change what your wedding vision is.
Wedding Tip #4 – Support Your Fiancé
Couple holding hands
When getting married you bring two families together and that comes with many different opinions. If you have a disagreement with your fiancé’s mother or father, talk to your fiancé first. Explain to him or her what the issue is and why you feel the way you do. From there you both should address the issue TOGETHER with the family member and explain what your decision is. Never try to address a future family member by yourself. This not only is difficult, but it brings on added stress for your fiancé. When that family member sees that you both are in agreement, it’s hard for them to fight that or try to split you apart.
Tip #5 – Don’t Be Afraid To Walk Away
If you are totally unhappy with the person who has given you money to pay for your wedding, give it back and walk away. Your happiness is the only thing that matters in this case. Weddings are already stressful and you don’t need someone acting like a bill collector hassling you. Yes, it will be tough and you will have to find alternatives and even compromise on what you can have at your wedding. At the end of the day, as long as you are happy then that is what matters the most.
We are not saying that those who give you money should think they are giving you money and that’s it. We are also not saying that all parents who pay for weddings are out to take over your wedding.
Yes, they have every right to be a part of the wedding planning process since it’s their money funding it. However, when they feel their money trumps your decisions, then Houston we have a problem. Allow your family member to donate money towards your wedding and make some of the decisions. Maybe you have an Aunt who wants to pay for your cake. Allow her to decide on one of the cake flavors. Maybe you have someone paying for your flowers, allow them to incorporate their favorite flower into the arrangements. There are so many ways to say thank you during your wedding for those who have helped to pay for your wedding.