Have you ever been around a toxic person before? It’s totally OK to admit that. They suck the very life out of any situation. It’s as if they believe the entire universe is out to get them. Here you are having an epic day and all of a sudden a black cloud looms over you. Why? Because in comes Mr. Toxic with a frowned up face ready to curse someone out.
Yeah total drag that you wish you could run away from, but you can’t because he’s your BFF or worse your boyfriend.
The problem is, when you all first met, Mr. Toxic was just like you. Happy, saw the bright side of everything and was always encouraging no matter what. However, like most behavior, being toxic is something that develops over time. If you aren’t careful you too can become Mr. or Mrs. Toxic.
You might say well that won’t happen to me, but if you are planning a wedding I can tell you that it might. I’ve seen it in some of the couples I’ve planned weddings for.
Here let me help you save yourself from winning the Mr. & Mrs. Toxic Award.
Photo Analise Benevides
9 Toxic Wedding Planning Habits To Break
1 – Expecting A Picture Perfect Wedding
It’s totally OK to admit that you want your wedding to be your dream wedding. As a kid you dreamt about having a fairytale wedding. It was going to be something all of your friends raved about. As an adult you daydream about how everyone is going to enjoy themselves. Your flowers are going to be the best that you’ve ever seen. The planning process is going to be so easy.
BREAKING NEWS!!! Most weddings are not perfect. If you can accept this simple fact, you will set yourself up for a much better wedding planning experience.
If you are a couple that comes to the table with extremely high expectations, you’ll have a hard time coping with the fact that these things may not happen. Just understand that no one is out to tarnish your wedding. There are simply things that happen that may prevent you from having your picture perfect wedding day.
2 – Everyone Should Make Your Wedding Their Priority
There is no doubt that your wedding is one of the most important days for you. Everyone in your family and wedding party want you to have your heart’s desire. But when it comes to them living their lives and taking care of their responsibilities, your wedding may not come in at #1, #2 or #3.
During wedding planning it can be so easy to step into the role of Drill Sergeant and bark orders making for a toxic wedding planning experience for others. You want everything to be done as if you did it and fast. You treat family and friends as if they are the hired help and your priorities are now theirs.
This is not their wedding. Having a toxic habit during wedding planning can blind you from seeing that although people want to help, you are making it hard for them. Allow family and friends who want to help to do it on their own terms. If you see someone slacking, see if they need help. If they can’t do it, ask someone else who’s more dependable.
3 – I Can Plan My Wedding All By Myself
Depending on the wedding and the amount of invited guests, I can say this is true. I can also say you will miss out on a ton of excitement because you are buried in your To Do List.
If you are the type of person that doesn’t like to give up power and you’re always in control, this is going to be a struggle for you. There is nothing wrong with asking for help.
One of the biggest ways to do that is by hiring a DC Wedding Planner to do the heavy lifting. You don’t want to manage wedding RSVP card responses? Let your planner handle it. Don’t know what your wedding party should wear? Hire a Wardrobe Stylist.
Let people help you make your wedding day magical.
4 – I’m Competing In The Wedding Super Bowl
You’ve never heard of the wedding Super Bowl right? It happens just about every Saturday; you must have heard about it.
OK maybe it’s not as obvious to you so let me explain. The wedding Super Bowl are couples who see their wedding as a competition between other couples. They compete on every level to out shine any other couple they might know.
One Bride saw that her friend purchased a wedding dress from Klienfeld for $5,000. Now she has to go there and buy one for $10,000. A groom saw his friend arrive in a Rolls Royce. He now has to hire a helicopter to take him to the venue’s landing pad and then zip line off the top of the building to land on a horse that takes him to the entrance. Oh the drama!!!
Best Wedding Tip: Forget about what other couples have done or will do. Focus on what is best for you and will reflect your personality. It makes no sense to spend so much money to end up doing things that doesn’t reflect who you are.
5 – Forgetting About Your Long-Term Budget Needs
Photo: Sharon Mc Cutcheon
It’s so easy to invite 5 more people to your wedding. You just have to have gold foil wedding invitations. Having a 7ft wedding cake would be all the rave. The list goes on and your wedding budget begins to slowly increase. In the excitement of planning your wedding, you can fail to see what life looks like after your wedding is over.
Here are a few things to keep in mind:
Purchasing a home
Growing your family
Paying off credit card bills
Saving for emergencies
You want to avoid starting your marriage with more debt than when you were a regular couple. Most times the things that you remember about your wedding are the experiences you had with family and friends. No one will remember their chicken dinner. Why? Because all weddings serve chicken.
6 – Faking Your Wedding Planning Emotions
Let’s use the incredible Instagram platform as an example of what I’m talking about. You see so many people that are on Instagram “living their best life,” and in reality they are far from that. They are wearing all of the latest fashion, living in a huge home and are always traveling. That’s the good life and I really wish I could have it.
The reality is that is not always what is happening behind the scenes. Many people with thousands of followers are unable to purchase a home, return clothes after showcasing them on Instagram, and are getting hookups just to be able to travel.
I say all of that to say, there is no need to fake your wedding emotions. If you are stressed, talk about it freely. If you are struggling with part of your wedding experience, open up and let people help. There might be tons of engaged couples going through the same thing and wish they could connect with you.
7 – Unable To Handle Family Drama
The second you state that you are engaged, everyone has an opinion. While you can keep those on social media at bay, your family can overstep their boundaries to chime in. Now imagine two families giving their opinion about what your wedding should look like.
I recommend all couples have a conversation at some point before planning their wedding to agree on how to handle tense family subjects. Marriage counseling is another recommended thing to do. As the couple, you need to remain by each other’s side. If your fiancé’s mother-in-law has an issue, let your fiancé handle it. Establish your boundaries and don’t give into family drama.
8 – Communication Is Key And So Is Compromise
I love watching HGTV. It’s one of my favorite stations. But one thing that HGTV does showcase on shows like Love It or List It, are the inconsistencies between each couple. One person may want a mid-century modern home. The other might want a Colonial style home. At some point compromise if going to take place.
The same can be said for planning your DC wedding. Maybe one wants a small wedding while the other wants a large one. Maybe you can’t settle on your wedding colors. No matter what it is, marriage will require compromise and this is a great starting point.
9 – Putting Everything On Hold To Plan Your Wedding
Whatever you do please don’t put your life on hold just to plan your wedding. Don’t put going on dates on hold. Don’t stop working out. Held game night every Wednesday at your place? Don’t stop doing that either.
Your life must continue to run while you’re wedding planning. I can promise you that if it does, you will find things like date night, game night, and doing anything unrelated to wedding planning as a great way to release stress.
Most of the above Toxic Wedding Planning Habits may not be present if you aren’t planning a wedding. It’s smart to consider that they might and have a plan to avoid them. Many people claim that planning a wedding is stressful. I’ve planned plenty of weddings with couples who can say otherwise.
As long as you do not let your wedding consume you, you’ll avoid developing toxic habits that will only hamper an exciting wedding experience. There is life past your wedding day. People who you are friends with, want to remain your friends after planning is done. Family comes first and so does your happiness.
Cheers to a wonderful wedding planning experience and goodbye to toxic wedding planning.